This week’s Reading The Wheel of Time is going to only cover one chapter of Crossroads of Twilight, chapter 20, because that is the last Egwene chapter before we return to the goings-on back in the White Tower. Which, whoo boy are there some exciting moments and revelations waiting for us there!
I should, perhaps, have waited on my essay regarding how Egwene is becoming so much more like Rand, since that continues to be evident in this chapter, but there is also a lot to talk about Egwene’s dreams, and what they signify for events going forward. It’s always fun to guess what a Dreamer’s dreams or Min’s visions might portend, especially since sometimes Jordan gives us lots of clues, and other times none at all.
Just because the Hall decided to approach the Black Tower doesn’t mean any of the Sitters can agree on how it should be done. Debate and argument continues for many hours, until Egwene is sore from sitting on the hard bench. When the session is eventually ended, nothing has been decided but Egwene is content because delay suits her plans for the moment, plus her headache has gone away at some point during all the talking.
Egwene is a little surprised when Halima isn’t already in her cot in the Amyrlin’s tent, but Chesa is there, and the maid fusses and scolds as she undresses Egwene and makes sure she eats and puts her to bed. Egwene asks Chesa why she doesn’t like Halima, and Chesa admits that the woman just makes her uneasy.
“There’s something just not right about that Halima. I feel it every time she’s around. It’s like feeling somebody sneaking up behind me, or realizing there’s a man watching me bathe, or…” She laughed, but it was an uncomfortable sound. “I don’t know how to describe it. Just, not right.”
When Chesa is gone, Egwene enters the black space where all the dreams of all the dreamers float like stars, and searches until she finds Elayne’s dream, telling Elayne to meet her in the usual place. Then she moves to the Tel’aran’rhiod version of her former study in Salidar to wait. It seems to take a long time, although Egwene knows that time passes differently in Tel’aran’rhiod than it does in the waking world.
It isn’t Elayne but Aviendha who eventually appears, wearing a blue silk dress along with the heavy iron ring that is the dream ter’angreal. Startled, she changes her appearance to her Wise One garb, explaining that Elayne couldn’t make the ter’angreal work, because “the babes” were interfering with her ability to channel.
Egwene is surprised to learn there is more than one, and feels a little judgmental towards Elayne and the strange relationship she, Aviendha, and Min have with Rand. She reminds herself that the rest of the world is not like the Two Rivers.
Egwene asks if they have heard anything from Rand or Nynaeve, and Aviendha answers in the negative, although Egwene finds herself wondering if Aviendha is being less than forthcoming. She fills Aviendha in on the situation with the Hall and the decision to approach the Black Tower. When Egwene asks if the Wise Ones know anything about the eruption of the One Power, Aviendha answers that the Wise Ones are just as puzzled as the Aes Sedai, though less frightened. Egwene notes how much Aviendha has changed, how she is truly acting and speaking like a Wise One, a realization that makes Egwene proud of her friend. But it makes her sad too, because she knows that the Wise Ones’ goals are not the Aes Sedai’s, and now Egwene will have to think about that whenever they interact.
She explains to Aviendha that they will have to deal with the Black Tower eventually, and that this plan at least gives the Aes Sedai the beginning of a way to handle them. Aviendha remarks that Aes Sedai always think that men are fools, but they often are not, and that she believes Mazrim Taim is a very dangerous man. They discuss what to do when sisters eventually start popping up in Caemlyn to check on Elayne and the siege. Aviendha observes that Egwene seems tired, and urges her to get some rest—she thinks Egwene uses herself too hard.
Leaving Tel’aran’rhiod, Egwene moves back to her body, but stays in a shallow sleep so that she can observe her dreams. She can tell the difference between the dreams that have meaning and those that are just ordinary dreams. In one true dream, she sees Mat playing bowls, but the pins he knocks down are human beings. Egwene knows that this bleak and bloodstained future is only one possible future, and although she has dreamed of it more than once, she doesn’t know if that makes it more likely to come to pass. But she does know that every figure knocked down represented thousands of men. She also knows that an Illuminator is part of whatever it is that Mat is going to do.
She also dreams of walking along a narrow ledge on a cliff, surrounded by mist and clouds. The ledge is cracked and littered with stones, and Egwene has to step carefully, knowing that any misstep might send her hurtling to her doom. Suddenly the ledge cracks beneath her and she slips, only just catching on to a crevice with the tips of her fingers. Unable to pull herself up, she dangles, knowing that she will hang there until her strength gives out and she falls.
Suddenly a woman appeared, clambering down the sheer side of the cliff out of the clouds, making her way as deftly as if she were walking down stairs. There was a sword strapped to her back. Her face wavered, never settling clearly, but the sword seemed as solid as the stone. The woman reached Egwene’s level and held out one hand. “We can reach the top together,” she said in a familiar drawling accent.
Egwene pushes the dream away, horrified at the idea that a Seanchan woman will save her. She has dreamed of a Seanchan woman being connected to her in some way, but she hates the idea of being saved by anyone connected to those who enslaved her.
The next dream is also of walking a path along a cliff, but this ledge is smooth and broad, and the cliff is white and gleaming. She is climbing among the clouds, and she realizes that the cliff is really a spire. At the top, there is a plinth on which stands an oil lamp, a bright flame burning within it.
Suddenly a pair of birds flashed out of the mist, two ravens black as night. Streaking across the spire-top, they struck the lamp and flew on without so much as a pause. The lamp spun and wobbled, dancing around atop the plinth, flinging off droplets of oil. Some of those drops caught fire in midair and vanished. Others fell around the short column, each supporting a tiny, flickering white flame. And the lamp continued to wobble on the edge of falling.
Egwene awakes with a start, and she knows that the dream means that the Seanchan are going to attack the White Tower. It is only a possibility, but if the attack happens it will “shake the Aes Sedai to their core and threaten the Tower itself.”
Halima emerges into the tent, and, thinking Egwene is asleep, mutters that she wouldn’t mind a good night’s sleep herself. Egwene decides not to let Halima know she is awake, because she is fairly certain that Halima must have been spending time with a man, and Egwene is a little disappointed in her.
The next morning when Egwene is eating breakfast, Nisao comes in and asks to speak with the Amyrlin alone. Egwene sends Halima and Chesa away, and is surprises when Nisao spins a weave against eavesdropping. She tells Egwene that Anaiya and her Warder, Setagana, died last night. Some workmen heard a sound like someone thrashing, and when they went to investigate they found the two bodies. The workmen assumed the two ate some badly preserved mushrooms, but on a hunch, Nisao tested for resonance and realized that the two were killed with saidin, probably with flows of air wrapped around their heads until they suffocated.
Egwene decides that the sisters must be told that there is a man who can channel somewhere among them, so that they can be on their guard, but instructs Nisao to search in secret for the reason behind the killing, and why the two were out in the middle of the night while everyone else was asleep.
Nisao asks Egwene if this will stop the decision to approach the Black Tower, but Egwene doesn’t think it will.
“Either way, I think it is going to be another very long day.” And the best she could find to hope for in it was that she could make it to another night without a headache.
I’m sad that Anaiya was killed! When she hears the news, Egwene reflects that Anaiya had a smile that “warmed everything around her,” and even though she wasn’t a major character in the series, I think this aspect of her came through in the way she was written. (Part of this might be what I’m remembering from Moiraine’s observations of her in New Spring, which is next in the publishing order but which I read early.) And I suppose I’m always going to be a little partial to Blue sisters, because of Moiraine. But also, Anaiya has been with us for a long time, and so losing her feels more impactful than it would if we’d only known her for a book or two. She was one of the Aes Sedai who helped Heal Mat of the effects of Mordeth’s dagger, and also one of the Aes Sedai who gave Egwene and Nynaeve their first lessons in channeling, all the way back in The Great Hunt.
Obviously, Anaiya and her Warder were killed by Halima’gar, but I’m not sure if there was a specific reason or if they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s hard to say what Halima’gar has to gain from the deaths. The distress Sheriam and Delana showed when it came to the alliance with the Black Tower suggests that the Dark finds the possibility of such an alliance alarming (as well it might) and something that must be stopped, but Egwene doesn’t believe that Anaiya and Setagana’s deaths will affect that decision at all. And while Halima’gar can be spiteful, she doesn’t seem the type to lash out so drastically—at least not when the risk to her discovery is so great.
That risk is a far more probable cause for the murders, I think. Halima’gar may have been caught in a compromising position, or perhaps Sheriam or Delana was. Also possible is the connection to Cabriana—Halima claimed to have been a friend of Cabriana, and must have been using information passed on by Semirhage, who tortured Cabriana and her Warder a while back (I forget which book it was). Cabriana was a Blue, as was Anaiya, so perhaps that connection led Anaiya to suspect “Halima,” or some part of her story, and investigating that suspicion led to her murder.
I’m curious how Nisao will conduct her investigation, and who she and Egwene might suspect of being the male channeler. Will they believe they’ve been infiltrated by an Asha’man? Or will they suspect that the killing was the work of a Darkfriend, some man unconnected to the Black Tower who learned to channel via other means? I can see why Egwene would want to warn the sisters, but this revelation is a big deal, and I feel like it’s going to cause a lot of commotion, and possibly even panic, among the ranks of the Aes Sedai.
Egwene’s relationship to Halima is fascinating to me. It’s easy to understand how she might develop a fondness for the only person who can ease the pain of her headaches. As someone who suffers from migraines myself, I completely get how valuable Halima would be to Egwene, and how that gratitude and comfort would engender feelings of friendship, and even protectiveness on Egwene’s part. Halima’gar has also worked to position herself as a confidante, and although Egwene is too canny and careful to give away many of her secrets, she has also expressed that it is nice to have someone to talk to for whom she doesn’t have to carefully perform the identity of a perfect Amyrlin, which is another reason for her to feel protective over Halima.
However, because of these feelings, Egwene seems to have chosen to shut her eyes not only to her own observations of the woman—such as Halima’s absolute unsuitability for the role of secretary—but also to ignore the concerns of the people she trusts most. It’s one thing to dismiss unfounded rumors about Halima’s sexuality—and I appreciated that Egwene was aware that a woman can be unfairly judged solely because of the way she looks—but Egwene tends to put everyone’s dislike of Halima down to that prejudice, even when it isn’t indicated.
In chapter 18, Siuan tells Egwene that she suspects that Halima broke a wheelwright’s arm, and Egwene dismisses it, first as impossible, then as probably the man’s fault somehow. It is, of course, only a suspicion on Siuan’s behalf and it’s not unfair of Egwene to refuse to jump to blaming Halima on so flimsy an accusation, but the way she turns the matter over in her mind shows that she doesn’t want to investigate the mystery of Halima. In the same way, she is aware that Halima being Delana’s secretary is clearly either an act of charity or of debt on Delana’s part. And while the custom of not interfering in other sisters’ business certainly also prevents Egwene from prying into the truth about Halima’s position, it’s interesting to see that she doesn’t seem very suspicious, just mildly curious about what Halima has on Delana. That feels out of character for Egwene, given how suspicious she is of everyone else, and how much of a problem Delana tends to be for Egwene.
Also, despite her desire to put down other people’s dislike of Halima to prejudice around Halima’s looks, Egwene herself is just as judgmental when she believes that Halima has been sleeping with someone, just as she is judgmental of Elayne for being pregnant and unmarried, even if Rand is the father. Of course this is cultural for Egwene, but it removed the benefit of the doubt I felt for her defense of Halima—in the end, she was as ready to judge Halima for sexuality as everyone she defended the woman to.
The nail in this particular coffin, for me, was Egwene’s dismissal of Chesa’s worries. Siuan can certainly be hot-headed, and is quick to express her dislike for, and anger towards, just about anyone. But Chesa is always calm, always rational, and she’s very loyal to Egwene. It was good of Egwene to finally ask about Chesa’s objections; she had been assuming that Chesa didn’t like Halima because she believed her to be a “lightskirt,” but that isn’t actually what Chesa cares about.
Chesa’s explanation of her distrust of Halima had nothing to do with Halima’s sexuality, and was actually a very powerful description of the instinct one gets around dangerous people. Like predators. Or Darkfriends. It is an instinct that one should listen to whenever expressed, and if Egwene was willing to entertain and investigate Chesa’s worries, she might start connecting other mysteries about Halima to the impressions of her maid, including, perhaps, the fact that Egwene’s very dreams seem to be affected by Halima. The fact that she can’t remember them is very suspicious, since Egwene has learned to always remember every dream.
It’s possible that Halima’gar is using some form of Compulsion on Egwene, I suppose—a subtle one to make her trust Halima no matter what—but I don’t think that’s the case. For one, even channeling saidin carries a risk of being caught, as Nisao’s discovery of the resonance proves. And if Halima could get away with using Compulsion on Egwene, I feel like she would want to use it a lot more. I think that Egwene’s refusal to look into Halima is a deliberate choice on Jordan’s part to show the way a person can dismiss truths they don’t want to see—even as Egwene chooses to pretend to be asleep so she won’t have to acknowledge Halima’s nocturnal activities.
Egwene is similarly dismissive when Aviendha warns her about Mazrim Taim, saying that of course she already knows that Taim is a dangerous man. It doesn’t seem to occur to her that Aviendha is well aware that all men who can channel are dangerous for that reason, and that her desire to warn Egwene might be based on something more. Though to be fair to Egwene here, the other problem is that she has so much to think about, too much for one person, and that there are a lot of big and pressing problems right in front of her right now. Mazrim Taim is far away and part of the larger issue of what to do about the Asha’man and the Black Tower, while Elaida and the need to reunite the White Tower again are right in front of Egwene, and she’s even dreaming about how difficult that might be to do.
I assume that’s what the last dream is about. Egwene knows that it’s about the Seanchan attacking the White Tower—that’s what the ravens are, and the lantern with the light in it must symbolize the Amyrlin Seat, either Egwene herself or possibly the position itself. Seanchan attacking the White Tower is bad, of course, but I wonder if it won’t also help reunite the Aes Sedai, possibly under Egwene. The fact that the lantern wobbles shows the stress the White Tower is under and the threat of its collapse—because of the Seanchan attack, but possibly just in general as well—but the lantern does not fall at any point in Egwene’s dream, and the droplets of oil that landed on the plinth each burned with a white flame, which might symbolize sisters who are loyal to the Flame of Tar Valon herself.
Egwene’s dream about the Seanchan woman who will help her is an interesting one. It’s possible that the person who is going to save her is someone we haven’t met yet, but I’d love it if it turned out to be Egeanin. She’s already connected to Elayne and Nynaeve, after all, and it would make sense if she continued to be important for our heroines in particular, and in the evolving relationship that the Seanchan may come to have with female channelers in general. Of course, the woman could also be Alivia; since she is connected to Rand she might also become connected to Egwene, and the sword might symbolize her identity as a fighting channeler, or possibly her loyalty to Rand, since the Dedicated receive swords as a mark of their rank among the Asha’man.
The meaning behind Egwene’s dream of Mat seems clear enough, as well. He and Aludra are clearly on the cusp of inventing some kind of cannon, and the balls that Mat is bowling with are the cannon balls, which can take out houses or entire lines of soldiers in a single strike. Egwene sees this future as bleak and bloodstained, which reminds me of her thoughts about Gareth Bryne, and how he seized very quickly on the idea of using gateways for warfare. She reflects that war has always been ugly and is going to grow uglier, and we see the same sentiment echoed here in her reaction to what she witnesses in the dream.
I wonder if the lack of worry or pain Mat displays as he bowls is a reflection of his commitment to warfare, and to doing what he must to win, or if it perhaps shows that he hasn’t thought through or realized all the effects his and Aludra’s weapons will have on he world.
Last week I wrote about how Egwene’s journey is beginning to parallel Rand’s, now that she is the Amyrlin in function and not just in name. Her sadness at realizing she has to think of Aviendha as a Wise One, with a Wise One’s perspective and a Wise One’s goals, instead of as just a friend, reminded me a lot of Rand, and the distance he feels even from those closest to him. Also like Rand is the way Egwene is driving herself so hard. Aviendha points it out while they are visiting in Tel’aran’rhiod, and Egwene’s thoughts in response are just like Rand’s—she first thinks that she isn’t driving herself hard, and then modifies the thought to say that she isn’t driving herself any harder than she must.
Both Rand and Egwene have stopped thinking of themselves as people, and while Egwene’s version isn’t filled with the self-hatred Rand’s is, she is also starting to treat herself more like an object, like a device meant to fulfill a function, than as a human being who needs rest and care. Egwene’s headaches can be debilitating to the point that she is whimpering from the pain, and since she doesn’t know the truth about Halima’gar, she must assume that the cause is how she treats herself at night. After all, she suffered from headaches while she was recovering from Lanfear’s attacks, and venturing into Tel’aran’rhiod when she was recovering—something the Wise Ones forbade her from doing for exactly this reason—prolonged their duration and increased their severity. Now she is spending almost every night in an unrestful sort of sleep so that she can observe her dreams, even though she will remember them after sleeping fully.
This sort of half-sleep was little better than none, and less if she spent the whole night thrashing around on her cot. Her efforts worked, a little. At least she only twitched through a dream of being forced to pull a cart jammed full of Aes Sedai down a muddy road.
No wonder she and Rand briefly thought they were in love—each must have seen a lot of themselves in the other. The question now becomes whether either can sustain the level of abuse they are putting themselves through, or if one or both will be forced to change their approach, and perhaps to recognize that even the Dragon and the Amyrlin Seat can’t do everything alone, and that the battle against the Dark is one that requires more strength than any one person can provide alone.
I’m actually coming off of a week-long struggle against persistent migraines, and honestly, I don’t know how Egwene is still functioning. All I have riding on my shoulders is an ordinary job and care of a small household, she has an almost impossible task and a whole lot of Aes Sedai, not to mention the world, resting on her shoulders. But I do know that one of the causes of my own headaches is pushing myself to hard and not taking the rest I need, so I suppose this whole thing is very thematically apt. Perhaps I’ll go take a nap right now, in honor of Egwene.
It may be some time before Egwene actually makes it back into the White Tower, but we, as readers, don’t have to wait nearly so long. Next week we’ll be tackling chapters 21 and 22, in which Alviarin is met with some very surprising revelations, and Pevara is met with perhaps some that are just as shocking, and almost as dangerous.
