I understand it well. You persuade yourself that everything is fine. And then you persuade others that your marriage is perfect.
You’re facing a terminal illness, but you’re the exception because it surely can’t happen to you.
You’re in poor health with unexplained aches and pains, but you avoid visiting your doctors, instead praying to Jesus to alleviate your pain. To heal you of whatever it might be.
Denial. I was a workhorse. Three children to provide for, always desiring the best for them, while their father, despite his high education, chose to work for minimum wage. Meanwhile, his wife (me) worked 60 hours a week. But he was considered a “great” father. I excelled at pretending everything was fine, often facing gaslighting, neglect, disrespect, and being trapped in a verbally abusive marriage. Yet, it all seemed perfect in the photographs we shared on social media, slowly coming to terms with his multiple infidelities.
The acknowledgment that I would live my life through my children, all the while knowing I was in a miserable marriage.
Denial. His cancer. Affecting the pancreas, liver, lungs, and lymph nodes. His surgeon and oncologist fed into his denial — “You’ll live another six years” — and my husband insisted on “doing everything” as I drove him to oncologists, surgeons, chemotherapy, palliative care, therapists, all while working night shifts and overtime.
Denial. Every day brought a new ache, a new pain. Her back, her bones, her chest, her unusual swelling in her neck, hands, and feet. Constantly on social media, yet not taking action. Not visiting her physician, but asking her friends for prayers. Waiting for a miracle from Jesus that never arrived.
Denial. The nurse arrives at work late, disheveled, with bruises along her arms. “I ran into the walls. I fell. It’s not him. It’s me. I’m clumsy.” Verbal abuse from her husband quickly turned into physical abuse.
And the list of denials is endless. And so is denial itself. It is not until you acknowledge the truth to yourself and then to others.
Denial serves as a defense mechanism to cope with the truth. It involves ignoring the reality of a situation to avoid anxiety, anger, and the truth. To shield yourself from the harshness of reality.
Through therapy with a licensed therapist, you can confront the truth. By breaking down the barriers of denial and being truthful with yourself and your circumstances.
It’s said, “The truth will set you free.” Liberate yourself. You deserve to live in truth.
Debbie Moore-Black is a nurse who blogs at Do Not Resuscitate.
