Read an Excerpt From The Grimoire Grammar School Parent Teacher Association by Caitlin Rozakis

We’re thrilled to share an excerpt from The Grimoire Grammar School Parent Teacher Association, a cozy contemporary fantasy novel by Caitlin Rozakis, out from Titan Books on May 27^th.

Sep 7 11:32AM
We’d like to remind all parents that Grimoire Grammar School is a nut- and garlic-free facility. For the safety of all our students, we must insist that students not bring silverware or any other non-ritual silver materials. In addition, please refrain from bringing food containing garlic or nuts of any kind, including peanuts. May we suggest sun butter and marjoram as delicious alternatives to explore?

Sep 7 12:05PM
Thank you for the many concerns raised about the previous notification. As a clarification—sun butter is made from sunflower seeds and does not involve solar properties of any kind. We regret any perception of insensitivity and assure you that we take the needs of our solar allergy population very seriously.

“I’m just saying that, given how much this school apparently costs, you’d think some of this stuff would be included,” Daniel said, frowning at the list.

“It’s not like we can complain, under the circumstances,” Vivian said. She couldn’t entirely disagree with him—the list was ridiculous. Colored pencils and pastels seemed excessive enough, but where was she supposed to get papyrus? And herbs? Half the list could be found in the spices section of one of the better supermarkets, but the other half sounded like something from a botanic garden. Some she’d never even heard of. Was verbena a thing you could actually buy? Monkshood? Why was a Belgian Coticule whetstone preferred over Belgian Blue and why the heck did a kindergartner need a whetstone at all? Ms. Immacolata had said something about “food preparation works,” but Vivian had been picturing something like banana slicing, not knives sharp enough to need whetting.

And the volunteer list—they had to sign up for at least two weeks of providing class sacrifices? The asterisk on that one did helpfully remind them that animal sacrifices were not on the approved list which had been more alarming than soothing. But if they weren’t supposed to supply a biannual goat, she had no idea what would be considered a suitable sacrifice. Wheat? Wine? Copper the parents had personally removed from the earth by the light of a full moon? It all seemed terribly presumptuous. Oh, and look at that, they also had to bring in flowers for the classroom at the same time.

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The Grimoire Grammar School Parent Teacher Association

Caitlin Rozakis

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The Grimoire Grammar School Parent Teacher Association

Caitlin Rozakis

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But what were they going to do? Complaining about it wouldn’t change the school’s requirements, it would only get them singled out as the ones who didn’t belong. And now that Daniel has started grumbling, I’m going to have to be the reasonable one, she thought with a little resentment. She knew from experience that if she joined in, he would get wound up. “I guess this way we can pick out our own blank grimoires or whatever.”

“That means we have to figure out which one’s the right one,” he said, rolling his eyes a little. “Whatever the magic spellbook equivalent is of buying jeans from Walmart when all the cool kids are wearing Abercrombie. Everyone knows that unicorn hide is so last season, or whatever. Sweetie, I know that you’re trying to make this work, but you don’t have to jump to defend every decision from an authority figure, OK?”

She didn’t love defending them, but she also wanted to move past the part where they got upset over something they couldn’t control, and get to the part where they figured out whether Whole Foods carried henbane. Surely they didn’t need the full kit on the first day?

“I’ll text Moira,” she said, trying to end what was brewing into an argument.

“Selkies text?” Daniel asked, raising his eyebrows. “You mean we don’t have to train carrier seagulls?”

“Hey,” she said sharply. “She’s the one person who’s been nice to me so far. Don’t be a jerk.”

He stopped. Closed his eyes, breathed through his nose. Opened them. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He opened his arms and she stepped into them. He nuzzled the side of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair. She let some of the tension drain out of her shoulders.

“Sorry,” he said again. “It’s just… I’ve been this kid, you know? I mean, not like this, obviously, but I’ve been the scholarship student. And it doesn’t matter how much you try, you’ll never belong. Your clothes won’t be quite right, and your references won’t be quite right, and you’ll never be able to ask people to come to your house because your house is absolutely not right. And even if people are nice, even if they want to be nice, you’ll never really fit.”

“You’re saying I should just give up?” she said, trying to pull away a little.

“I’m saying you shouldn’t worry so much about what they think of us,” he said, pulling her back. “She’s an awesome kid. You’re an awesome mom. They should have to prove they deserve to hang around you, not the other way around. So what if they can start fires with their minds or something.”

“You’re biased,” she said, letting him fold her in. It didn’t work like that, but for a moment, she could pretend.

“I can be biased and be right at the same time.” He nuzzled her neck and, despite her worry, she felt a flush of heat race down her spine. They didn’t get nearly enough time alone together these days.

“We need this to work,” she mumbled into his chest.

“Do you need help? With the school supplies?” He stroked her hair, trying to soothe the tension he probably could feel radiating from her.

He didn’t need another thing to deal with, not with the longer commute and the bigger mortgage they’d had to take on with the move. She should be able to handle this: that had been the deal when she’d decided to stay home, even before the complications. That she’d caused. “No, I’ll figure it out.”

“I still think we should consider homeschooling instead of throwing her in with a bunch of wand-waving snobs.” His hand paused, as her shoulders knotted up again. “We know she does better when she gets a lot of exercise, and adding more red meat to her diet helped a lot. I mean, other than the one night a month.”

They both glanced at the old-fashioned paper calendar pinned to the wall, the day in question circled in bright red where all three members of the family could see it.

The sound of four sets of toenails skittering across the floor echoed back from the foyer. Frantic barking indicated that the mail had once again arrived.

“Don’t scratch the wood!” both parents shouted at the same time.

“You think diet’s going to help with that?” Vivian muttered as they disentangled themselves.

Excerpted from The Grimoire Grammar School Parent Teacher Association, copyright © 2025 by Caitlin Rozakis.

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