Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Hosts with a pretty brutal summary of Trump’s very bad week on the campaign trail, and they didn’t even get to Arnold Palmer’s penis or talking about how much he loves cows.
JOST: Well, the election is just 16 days away, and the candidates are striking very different tones trying to get out the vote. For example, here’s Kamala Harris.
HARRIS: Your vote is your voice, and your voice is your power.
JOST: Nice. And here’s Trump.
TRUMP: Get that fat pig off the couch. Tell him to go and vote for Trump. He’s gonna save our country.
JOST: Also nice… and direct. Subtle differences you’ll notice in their styles. You know, like here’s Kamala’s message to women.
HARRIS: And when Congress passes a bill to restore reproductive freedom, I will proudly sign it into law.
JOST: Okay. And here’s Trump’s closing message to women.
TRUMP: So amazed that Harvey Weinstein got schlonged. He got hit as hard as you can get hit.
JOST: So in that story, he thinks Harvey Weinstein’s the one who got schlonged. By the way, I never need to hear anyone ever say schlonged again.
But then this week, Trump did strike a positive tone when he stopped questions at a town hall to just dance for 40 minutes.
Please enjoy these somehow 100 percent real clips.
(cut to Trump dancing to various songs)
JOST: Special. Like, really special. And you can find all those incredible songs on Now That’s What I Call Dementia.
CHE: Donald Trump appeared at a town hall hosted by Univision where he was asked questions in both English and Spanish, which he answered in both English and louder English.
During a rally in Atlanta, Donald Trump said that any black person who votes for Kamala Harris should have their head examined, but no matter who we vote for, I promise you, I am not going to therapy. That guy gets me.
JOST: At an all-female Fox News town hall, Trump declared himself the father of IVF, which stands for Ivanka and various freaks.
Trump also appeared on Fox & Friends and said that Abraham Lincoln was probably a great president, but wanted to know why the Civil War wasn’t settled.
Well, it was settled until you showed up.
CHE: Insiders say that during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania tomorrow, Donald Trump will work the fry cooker at a McDonald’s where he plans to deep fry the tip of his tie.
Kamala Harris responded to Trump calling January 6th a day of love, saying that he is gaslighting us. But Kamala, you’re just imagining things, baby.
In a sane country, all of these things would have been campaign-ending, but sadly that’s not the reality we all live in now.
